Win Friends Now, Here’s How
PATHWAYSelf: Goals and Values
AGE GROUP12-14 years, 14-16 years
Anticipate Time240: 4 or more hours min
GROUP SIZE2-5, 5-15, 15-30
ValuesAssertiveness, Enthusiasm, Respect, Self Control, Tact
Pathfinders explore Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ through a number of learning experiences.
Through participation in this Pursuit, the Pathfinder will:
- Acknowledge the progression possible reactions to both positive and negative behaviour
- Select a relationship principle and write up five important points about that principle
- Search for a Biblical support for the chosen principle
- Design a role play that illustrates both a right way and a wrong to apply the chosen principle
What does one call a book which explores encouragement, appreciation, respect, honour, and the golden rule? It sounds like an amplification of the New Testament. In this case it is not. It is Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. This book, an overnight sensation since its first publication in 1937, has been quoted, paraphrased, parodied and emulated.
How appropriate that a book dealing with essentially Christian virtues has been an all time best seller! How significant, that a how-to book which invites the pursuit of action and not just belief, has helped millions of readers solve the biggest problem we all face: how to get along with and influence people in our everyday life. Each generation has discovered it anew and found it relevant – and just think – we, as Christians had those principles all along!!
This Pursuit will help senior Pathfinders define with greater clarity, those kind of principles which were personified in a certain Man two thousand years ago.
1. Gather the Level 3 Pathfinders together. As you instruct them, be disrespectful in your demands, be critical and accusatory in your lead. Then have someone else continue to lead out and carry out this minor debrief.
- How did you feel when you were being instructed to come?
- How did you feel about doing a Pursuit together?
- How did you feel about _________ (the instructor)?
- How did you feel about yourself?
- What group atmosphere developed as a result of the demands placed on you?
- Are you still angry and indignant now?
2. Complete the following ‘What-does-it-lead-to’ exercise. Start with the word ‘rudeness’ and ask the Pathfinders what it leads to. Link each word with arrows to show how things deteriorate when negative words and manner are introduced. The resulting progression may look something like:
Rudeness ——- resentment ——— enemies ———- anger ———- backbiting / arguments / violence
3. Develop another progression of positive traits. What may ‘respect’ lead to?
Describe specific scenarios to the Pathfinders which will help define respect. The resulting progression may look something like:
Respect ——- kindness ——– friendliness ——— understanding ——– obedience ——— admiration —— greater respect
4. Share how many talented people have much wisdom about how we can relate to others successfully so our relationships can be rich and rewarding. Unfortunately, our culture can easily convince us that knocking the other person down is a ‘safer’ way to go.
- Is such an approach to relationships biblical?
- Is there ever a time when we ‘grow out’ of the virtues we learned when we were young?
5. Read to the Pathfinders: ‘All I Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten’ as outlined in Appendix A. Share how after many years and academic degrees, Robert Fulghum came to this ‘profound’ conclusion.
- How much truth do you think is in his thoughts?
- What specific things has he decided are valuable in life?
6. Show the Pathfinders Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Share some of the background of the book (as outlined in the Introduction); how it was first published in 1937 and how ever since, it has been a best seller. Before showing them a copy of the book, ask them to guess what some of the techniques are that are outlined in the book, that have evidently been so successful? Ask: What makes a person popular? How can you make people like you? (You may get answers like, ‘buy them presents!’) Write up a list of the Pathfinders suggestions.
7. Share the principles is Appendix B. (Three of the four sections of the book are outlined in Appendix B. These are most relevant to the Pathfinders age and life experience). Separate Pathfinders in groups of 2-4. Ask each group to choose one of the principles from the book and do the following:
a. Write up five important points about that principle.
b. Describe what that principle means in one paragraph.
c. Search for a Bible verse that speaks of this principle.
d. Design a role play that illustrates both a right way and a wrong to apply that principle (for instance, it is great to smile when you see someone, but wrong to smile when someone has just had bad news or is crying.)
8. Bring the groups back together, and ask each group to present their principle to the whole group. You can then work on a presentation to share the role-plays and information about your principles to the whole club.
Select from the questions below:
- Share a time when someone you know put into practice one of these principles. How did it affect you?
- Which of the tips do you think has the most impact on people?
- Share something new you have learned from exploring this topic.
- Share some instances when Jesus displayed some of these techniques in His ministry?
- What specific techniques have you put into practice? What happened – what response did you receive?
- What do these principles and techniques say about Honesty, Love, Loyalty, Patience, Respect, Peacefulness, Purposefulness, Tact and Unity? (Go through them one by one)
- Identify which of Carnegie’s techniques explore each of the above virtues.
- Are these virtues biblically based? What proof do you have of that?
- How will this knowledge impact your life? How can you work these principles into your life?
- What steps can you make to ensure that it does make a difference in the way you deal with people?
- What will respect look like this week in your actions?
- What will tact look like this week in your actions?
- What will assertiveness look like?
All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at nursery school.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the styrofoam cup – they all die. So do we. And then remember the Dick – and -Jane books and the first word you learned – the biggest word of all – LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The golden rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all – the whole world – had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own messes.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are – when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
From “All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum (1989) Grafton Books, A Division of the Collins Publishing Group, London p 6, 7
‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’
By Dale Carnegie
• Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don’t Criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
• Ways to Make People Like You
Become genuinely interested in other people
Remember to say a person’s name
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive
2. The Big Secret of Dealing with People
3. He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
3. If you Don’t Do This, You are Headed for Trouble
4. An Easy Way to become a Good Conversationalist
5. How to Interest People
6. How to make People Like You Instantly
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1. If you Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
2. How to Criticise – And not Be Hated for It
3. Talk about Your Own Mistakes First
4. No One Likes to Take Orders
5. Let the Other Person Save Face
6. How to Spur People on to Success
7. Give a Dog a Good Name
8. Make the Fault Seem easy to Correct
9. Making People Glad to do what you Want